Archive for June, 2006

Nathan’s whipped

Last evening Nathan and I were checking up on our friends Jon, Ann and little Lucy by visiting thier blog. They’d posted a mini video of Lucy sleeping and her process of waking. We loved watching it! Nathan said, “She’s precious. My favorite part is right at the beginning when she’s smiling.” I sat there, smiling and stunned. While my heart was so happy to see Nathan’s joy and excitment for a little Lenz, I was also thinking, “Who are you!?”. It’s like we swapped personalities for a little while. Having Nathan so excited about our baby to be makes me feel safe. He’s good at making me feel that way. I love him and I think he’s going to be a fabulous dad! :) Mmmm, warm fuzzies! ha ha! :)

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Follow the baby brick road

Without getting to graphic, Nathan and I have officially started on our journey to Babyland. Some G-rated activities have included reading baby books, suggested by some friends with a 2 month old in Chicago. They are smart InterVarsity staff and they’ve read a lot of books. We appreciate them allowing us to gleen from what they’ve learned. Thus, Nathan picked up Anne Lamott’s,
Operating Instructions
, and Peggy Vincent’s, Baby Catcher (Ann’s review) (3 guesses as to what that book’s about!) from the library. I let Nathan pick which book he wanted to read first. He chose Ann Lamott’s Operating Instructions. So, I innocently picked up Baby Catcher. BAAAAD IDEA!! By the end of the night, I’d read two chapters and turned to Nathan and said, “Honey, it’s not too late for us to sell our house and travel”. This book is not for the faint of heart and I was terrified! This went on for a couple of days. I was completely satisfied to never have children and very open to the idea of adoption. It’s no surprise to me that labor is very hard but it seems do-able when I don’t know all the details going in to it. This book had given me more than I’d bargained for. I stopped reading it immediately. It was a road block of fear. So, I picked up Operating Instructions. Nathan had read to me some great excerpts from this book and I was intrigued. I finished the book last night. It’s been a long time since I’ve found a book that I just wanted to devour.

Meanwhile, Nathan picked up Baby Catcher and was just as engrossed and fascinated with that book as I was afraid of it. He said, “I can’t believe you don’t want to read this book. It’s so interesting.” I told him, “You like it so much because for you it’s just another project to research. It’s more for me…it’s my body and my pain. I’m the one who has to go through that.” He smiled.

Yesterday afternoon he read me part of the chapter titled Goose Abuse. This chapter is about the author’s experience with a very difficult mother in labor. She yells, “I’m going to die! I want to die. But I’m afraid I won’t die. It’ll just go on forever.” I laughed and laughed at this as Nathan continued reading, “Taking a deep breath, I squared my [mid-wife] shoulders and reentered the small bedroom. She had her husband in a headlock, backed against the wall…” Ha ha ha ha! I couldn’t help but laugh because I do believe that will be me. I pray that I pleasantly surprise myself with more maturity but I don’t handle pain well. I imagine the labor experience really shows you what you’re made of. We shall see.

I do plan to read the rest of Baby Catcher but only after I’m pregnant and can’t change my mind and turn back…when I’m in it for the long haul.

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Dropped the ball – Detox days 5,6 & 7

Dozzed off for several days. Sorry about that. Here’s the rest of the diet set-up…

Day 5 – add Beans, nuts & seeds
Day 6 – add whole grains (like oatmeal but no wheat)
Day 7 – add fish

Days 5,6 & 7 were my first days back to work and they were full to the rim as usual. I continued eating brown rice but added nuts – a lot of them! I love nuts and they were a refreshing addition to the diet (as each new thing was for those 7 days). I worked to maintain eating the fresh fruits and veggies instead of completely replacing those things with rice and nuts. It wasn’t easy though. I just prefer grainy-carby things. It’s frustrating to my diet but that’s the way I am.

Day 6, of course, I add about 3 bowls of oatmeal and nuts with some fruit here and there. I wasn’t really hungry by dinner time. My stomach had shrunk quite a bit and my body just had cravings that I couldn’t give in to. So oddly enough, it was just sorta satisfied.

Day 7 didn’t look much different than day 5 & 6. I’m very picky about fish. We never had it (except for frozen fish sticks) when I was growing up. I’ve learned to eat it with some pleasure, depending on what kind of fish, how fresh it is, and how it’s cooked. I didn’t find plain non-buttered or non-fried fish appealing. Also, I was concerned about deepening my hesitancy toward fish by eating it in such a weird diet. Most of the other foods I’d had during this diet I got so sick of. It wouldn’t take much for me to be sick of fish and never want to eat it again. So, I didn’t push the issue.

All in all, it was a very anti-climatic ending. I’m not sure at this point what I think about it. I think I accomplished the same “feeling” of “lightness” and “balance” with a good month or two of Weight Watchers…and you do get to eat some yummy food at the same time. After having finished these hard 7 days, I expected to feel really good about myself. I definitaly don’t feel like a failure but I’m not sure I feel proud or more worthy. I just feel like I know myself better and I’m more comfortable in my own skin. It sounds kind of weird. I told Nathan on day 4 that I’ve come to accept my great love of eating and food! It’s a joy in my life and I’m not ashamed to admit that. That being said, that joy is easily stripped away and turned into guilt and betrayel when gorged and extreme.

My dear friend Traci and I had an epiphany one day in college while debating theological views. We realized that extreme of anything – good or bad – can easily go awry. That’s the battle I fight with food. It may be that way my whole life…losing some days and winning others.

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D-day!! Detox diet – day 4 – brown rice and cooked veggies

I gained more energy as the day went on yesterday. I still was constantly hungry and came to the point of rather going hungry than continuing to eat more fruit and veggies. I was sick of eating that stuff. I also had an enourmous craving for bread – any kind; crackers, white bread, anything of that nature. Culvers commercials kept coming on TV to tease me. I did about 10 sudoku puzzles to keep my mind off my hunger and complete obsession with the foods I couldn’t have.

This morning I had brown rice and pineapple! It was like eating a piece of chocolate! It was warm, satiating and carby. My carb craving vanished after my humble bowl of rice. I also weighed in at 5 lbs. less than when I started. I’m not doing this diet to lose weight but to be healthy. I recognize this is all water weight anyway. But, it made me realize what salt does to my body. Being without salt for 3 days, my body became way less bloated and I peed all the time whether I was drinking water or not. Voila, 5 lbs. gone. Although, I must say, these last 3 days did not feel like “voila”. They were not easy. By last night, Nathan had made homemade bread and I was seriously considering throwing in the towel. I no longer cared about seeing this detox diet through – healthy or no. But I just pushed back into my sudoku and then eventually went to bed.

What I’ve learned:

  • Weight Watchers is awesome – you get a variety of food
  • Salt really is in EVERYTHING we eat. We just don’t notice it until we don’t have it.
  • Appreciation & gratitude to live in America where we have a variety of food and aren’t limited to only fruit/veggies and rice day in and day out.

So, today, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow, I can add beans, nuts & seeds.

P.S. On day two, I’d forgotten to mention that my face broke out in acne quite suddenly. A purging of toxins in my skin, I imagine.

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Detox diet – day 3 – liquids & fresh fruit & veggies

Yesterday was great. Except for feeling hungry all day despite how much fruit I ate, I had lots of energy and I felt good. Today, not the same. I am very weary…not much energy at all. I made fresh guacamole for eating with veggies. It’s good with carrots, not good with broccoli and sugar snap peas. The green taste overwhelmes the guacamole flavor. I’ve also been eating some fruit today. My taste buds are sort-of numb. Fresh stuff is now dull to my tongue. I don’t have much of an appetite at all. I’m very much looking forward to tomorrow when I can add cooked veggies (which I prefer much more than fresh without salad dressing or dip) and brown rice – warm food!! yea!!

I hope this detox diet is really doing something…

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Detox diet – day 2 – liquids & fresh fruit only

So, I didn’t post any updates yesterday. The day got worse, I’m afraid. I took it easy on the couch – watched a movie and took a nap. Awaking from that nap, I had a brilliant headache that lasted until I fell asleep last night. Was my headache an effect of hunger or caffeine withdraw? I don’t know. I became so hungry that I wouldn’t let myself go into the kitchen. My hunger was beyond a growling stomach. Something primal took over and I had to really concentrate to not just grab at any food in sight and start eating. Later that night, I got nauseous and just the thought of juice made it worse. The rest of the evening I only had a bit of water. All these symptoms I’ve read about as part of the detox process. My friend, Young, who’s detox diet ended Wednesday, didn’t have these symptoms as far as I know. Curious to know why my experience has been more intense than her’s. ??? Maybe I’m more toxic! That’s reassuring.

When Nathan came home I asked him for a massage. Massage is supposed to be a detox therapy. It was helpful – at least with my hunger and tenseness. My headache, however, stayed with me. I finally went to bed and felt very restless. But turning out the lights and laying in silence and darkness felt great. It was like I was having hang-over symptoms. Interesting, huh?

This morning, I awoke, surprisingly happy and energized! Yea! Was that because my body is on the up-n-up from this detox or the happiness that I get to actually eat something today? Again, I don’t know. But, I’m rollin’ with it. I’ve been snacking on honey-dew melon this morning while cleaning the kitchen. My menu for today could consist of the rest of the honey-dew melon, grapes, 3 bananas, 3 pears, a huge watermelon, many apples, 3 mangos, pineapple and strawberries. This is what I have here at the house. I don’t expect to eat all or even half of that. But I expect that I will still appreciate fruit tomorrow when I can add fresh vegetables (no salad dressing or dips…hmmm?).

Speaking of vegetables, we received our second week’s worth of community farm share veggies last night. Here’s what we got: Garlic Scapes (look like little green garden snakes – gives me the creeps to look at them), Spinach, Radishes, Dandelion Greens (which is fortunate b/c this is a recommended detox diet veggie that I can eat tomorrow…I hope I like them), Salad mix, Cocarde lettuce head. Last week we got, salad mix, spinach, radishes, Nancy Buttercrisp lettuce, and rhubarb. My rhubarb bars did not turn out well. Not sure what I did wrong.

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Detox diet – day 1 – liquids only

Today, I can only have water, herbal tea, and fresh juice – prefereably from a juicer. Since I don’t have a juicer and didn’t want to spend the $$ for a 7 day detox diet, I’m drinking Bolthouse 100% juice. It’s pretty good. This morning I expected to be very hungry (without breakfast) but I was fine. My tummy growled a couple times mid-morning but I just drank more juice. It’s noon-30 now and I’m starting to feel the physical effects that come with this process. I’ve drunk 1 liter of Bolthouse Passion Fruits, Apple, Carrot juice. My tummy’s a little growly and my mind is foggy. I feel sorta sleepy but mostly foggy. I have energy but not strength. I am glad to say, though, that my blood sugar has been fine thus far. I was worried about having the tremors that come with low blood sugar. That’s not happened. I guess I should be worried if it did happen after all that juice. :)

Having the fresh juice, however, has made me think about purchasing a juicer. Not so much for myself as I normally don’t drink that much juice, but for when we have kids. Fresh juice is sweet with only the natural sugar from the fruit, no preservatives, etc. And, we can get an organic fruit share – like our veggie share. It sounds wholesome. The same reason I’m considering making my own baby food. We’ll see.

Tomorrow, I can add fresh fruit to my diet.

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I have a rant

Christian Commercialism. How is it possible for these two words to make up a phrase. It’s a paradox. Nathan, me & other friends have recently run into a couple of organizations that use Jesus and Christianity for their sales pitch. One even that sells a “quick fix” for what’s wrong with you. These only add a couple HUGE pieces of straw to the “haystack”. My pet peeve also flows into the Christian music industry and even, yes, some churches. It’s quite subtle but it’s still marketing…subliminal messages about being a “cool” or better christian if you listen to this Christian artist or wear this t-shirt or even go to this church. Suddenly, we have “classes” inside the church (whole world church – not meeting on Sunday morning church) divided by denomonation or size or style of worship. I think this is what Jesus went crazy over in the temple. Yet, we’re still doing it and people who are leaders in our “christian” society are the folks who are selling us the “doves”. When my “friends” try selling these things to me because I’m a christian, well, then I have to ask myself, “are they really my friend?”. Maybe that’s harsh but friends with an alterior motive ($) are not friendly to me (especially when they won’t give me any information up front).

This brings me to another point. Why are we thick enough to fall for it? I’ve fallen for a few. Now, granted, I do have some christian music that I enjoy and I think there are a lot of people out there who do just enjoy the music. Great! But when it becomes a point of judgement, $$ or greed, how is that about Jesus?! For example, I was at a christian concert (won’t name names) with some youth from our church. Half of it was music and half was preaching (that’s another rant for another day). At the end of the concert they had the typical “alter call”. My thoughts were, “aren’t we already christians? isn’t that why we are here at a christian concert?” I recognize that there were probably some unbelievers there who really might have had a faith experience and gave their hearts to Jesus. However, the question was popped, “if you just said that prayer and really meant it, I want you to stand up.” The whole place stood up! Then they proceeded to ask folks to go to the aisles and write their personal information on a card for “follow-up” (a.k.a. marketing other concerts, publications, etc.) I couldn’t believe it. Was it peer pressure to stand? Was it sincere conviction? Do we have to say the sinners prayer at every concert in order to believe that we really are saved or that we really believe? Is Jesus blood only powerful at a concert and not everyday when you pray?

There is so much more to Jesus than the music, publications, & get-rich quick companies that prevail in defining christian society. Those things are only the “shallow soil”.

Some of you might say, “well then, how is Christian Commercialism any different than other secular commercialism?” I would reply that it’s not, except that it’s not using Jesus as it’s marketing tool.

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clay, veggies & 24 hrs.

Some updates on my life….

I took a month long wheel pottery class in April! Whee! It was fun! I really love it! Such a stark difference from oil paint. It’s non-toxic and water soluble. It’s recyclable and the clean up is way easier and more practical. It’s messy and you don’t have to worry about ruining any clothes. Like playing in the mud, only it comes out in the wash. The only problem is that wheels cost a lot. The wheels at the studio were about $700-800 a piece. I don’t pretent I’ll be able to get one anytime in the next decade or 2. So, I’ll just truck over to the studio for my pottery fix.

I’ve made 9 pieces so far. Most of which are still at the studio being fired or waiting to be “trimmed” to be fired, etc. etc. If you ever have the desire or opportunity to take a pottery class, I would recommend it. My first advice for success…relax and don’t over think it.

Today we get our first box of veggies from our organic farm share, Comments